Underneath
What's going on underneath #
Three things that tend to sit under the words.
When it is broken up by an email, it can feel as if something that mattered was treated like furniture.
For some people it goes back to a school class, a hostel floor or a cricket team that stayed together for years.
Underneath, a rule can sit: “If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it,” or “A good company protects what works.”
Reactions
What people often do #
- Keep the old team chat going with jokes and photos
- Hold back from getting to know the new team, for now
- Plan lunches with the old team, then find they get harder to fix
- Compare every new colleague with the old ones
- Throw yourself into the new work so there is no time to think
The deck
The story in 6 cards #
Six short cards, from the moment to letting go.
The team that's being split
You finally had a team that worked in London: quick jokes, shared lunches, everyone covering for each other. Then the reorganisation email arrives, and by next month the team will be split across three departments. On the last Friday you go for drinks together, laughing and promising to stay in touch. On the train home you feel a quiet sadness for something that worked so well.
A good team should stay together
Underneath sits a rule: 'My company should keep a good team together.' It sounds obvious. If something works, why break it? But look at what it does: it ties your happiness at work to a structure you don't control. Whether work feels good now depends on decisions made far above you, often based on charts that can't show what made the team special.
Why good teams are so rare
We hold it because good teams are rare, and losing one hurts. Maybe you have had lonely jobs before, and this team felt like finally finding your people. Maybe you simply love the feeling of working well with others. Either way, wanting to keep it isn't sentimental. It comes from wanting connection with people who get you. That deserves kindness, not blame.
The ache a split team leaves
Every split team leaves a small ache behind. You start comparing the new team to the old one. You hold back from new colleagues, half waiting for the old days to return. You feel less at home at work. Slowly the new place stays cold, partly because part of you still stands in the doorway of the old one, looking back at what was lost.
Is holding the old team worth it?
Ask yourself honestly: has holding onto how it was ever made the new team feel warmer? Or has it mostly kept you looking back? Companies often reorganise for reasons they don't explain, without knowing what they're breaking. Either way, their decision isn't the measure of what your team meant. Holding this rule so tightly costs you more than it gives you.
Good teams can happen again
Letting go doesn't mean the old team didn't matter. It means your happiness at work no longer depends on keeping it. What you built together, the friendships and the skills, can stay with you. You can bring that warmth into a new team. That's where some peace comes back: good teams can happen again, and you know how to help them start.
Threats, shouting, harassment, humiliation, being singled out for who you are, pay or papers held back, or being frightened at work, are something else, and worth taking seriously; staying careful can be the safe choice.
The flip
The old rule, and a new one to try #
The old ruleMy company should keep a good team together.
A new rule to tryGood teams can happen again. I know how they start.
Three small days
Try it for 3 days #
- Day 1
Think of one thing that made your old team great
- Day 2
Bring one of those good habits to your new team
- Day 3
Enjoy one good moment with the new team
Want to talk it through?
“What was the best team you have ever been part of like?”
Free and private. No sign-up to start. The chat opens with this question.
Everything this deck knows
Go deeper #
What it sounds like, where it comes from, what it costs, and other ways to see it. Every question opens a chat on it.
How it lands
What was said
Packing the desk for a new floor #
The reshuffle email came on Tuesday. By Friday the plant, the mug and the photo are in a cardboard box, and the corner where your team laughed every lunchtime will have new people on Monday. The words come as you tape the box: “My company should keep a good team together.”
For some people a good team is one of the best things work can give. People who know how you think, who cover for you, who make the long days shorter. Losing that daily mix can feel like more than a change of desk.
Think of the best team you have been part of, at work or anywhere else.
What made it so good?Talk about this ›
The first few seconds
A drop, then a joke #
Some people feel a drop in the stomach as they read the new team lists. Others make a joke straight away in the team chat, because a joke is easier to say than “I’m going to miss you lot.”
The body can know before the mind catches up: a slow walk back to the desk, a long look around the room, a sudden tiredness in the afternoon. The thoughts tend to come on the commute home.
When you first heard your team would be split, what did you notice in yourself before you could think it through?Talk about this ›
Why it lands
Good teams are rare #
Wanting a good team kept together makes sense. Trust between people takes months to build: learning each other’s habits, jokes and strengths. A good team works smoothly because of all that unseen building.
It also stings because a team can feel a bit like a small family, or a good group of friends. When it is broken up by an email, it can feel as if something that mattered was treated like furniture.
What did your team have that took a long time to build, and that you would most like to keep?Talk about this ›
The voice inside
The voice that misses the old corner #
“It’ll never be like that again.” “Why break up something that worked?” “I don’t want to start over.” The voice is usually loudest at lunchtime, or when a joke lands flat in the new team.
Some people notice the voice is protecting something precious: the good months, the shared jokes. It can also make it hard to see what the new team might grow into, given time.
When the voice talks about the old team, which ordinary moment does it most like to remember, and why?Talk about this ›
Where it comes from
Where it can come from
Where belonging to a group took root #
For some people it goes back to a school class, a hostel floor or a cricket team that stayed together for years. That first feeling of a group that just worked can become the picture of what belonging means.
For someone else it comes from many moves: new schools, new cities, new friends again and again. A team that finally felt settled can matter a great deal to someone who has had to start over often.
Which group in your life felt most like yours, and what did the people in it do for each other?Talk about this ›
The belief under it
The rule about what works #
Underneath, a rule can sit: “If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it,” or “A good company protects what works.” It is a sensible rule. Companies, though, often move people for reasons far from any one team.
The rule can stay. Next to it can sit another truth: a good team is made of people, and the people still exist. A team can stop sharing a desk without the friendships stopping.
Where does your rule about keeping good things fit work, and where does it make every change feel like a loss?Talk about this ›
What it costs
What it costs
What a split team can take #
It can mean a few slow months with a new team that never quite gets a fair chance, lunches that feel flat, or a habit of looking back at the old corner. None is big on its own, but they can colour a whole season.
It can also make people wary of getting close at work again. If a good team can be split by an email, it can feel safer to hold back next time. That wariness can keep the next good team from forming.
In the last few weeks, who in the new team has made a day a little easier, even in a small way?Talk about this ›
If it stays as it is
Always looking at the old corner #
Hold up a picture, only that, of an ordinary day some years from now when this hope is still loud. Your desk is being packed for yet another floor, and your eyes go to where the old team used to sit.
Maybe a long lunch spent talking about how it used to be, a new team kept at arm’s length, an evening telling the old stories.
It is one picture among many possible ones, and it can be closed at any point.
What does that day feel like?Talk about this ›
What else is in the day?Talk about this ›
As you look at it, what stands out?Talk about this ›
Another way to see it
Another way to see it
Good teams travel #
People from a good team often carry what they learned with them: how to share the load, how to make a joke at the right moment, how to trust. When a team is split, those habits can spread to new places.
That does not make the split painless, and the wish to stay together is fair. It may mean what made the team good is partly in you, and can start again somewhere else.
What did you learn in the old team about working with people that you could bring to the new one?Talk about this ›
What is already there
What is still there #
Alongside the split, some things may still be there: the old team chat, a friend from the team you still have lunch with, the skills and jokes you picked up, a new colleague who seems kind.
It is fine if the reshuffle still does not feel right; the wish to keep a good team is still a fair one. They are simply true in the same week. Noticing them does not mean letting go of the old team.
Which friendship from your old team is still in your life, and what would you like to notice about it?Talk about this ›
Making peace
Keeping the people, not just the desk #
Being at peace with it is not deciding the reshuffle was right. It means the old corner stops making the new one feel cold. If a change puts your job, your income or your visa at risk, that weight is real and different from this hope; someone you trust can help you think it through.
Being threatened, harassed or humiliated by a boss, client or colleague, or singled out for who you are (gender, caste, religion, colour, age, a disability or where you come from), is something else, and worth taking seriously.
So are unpaid work demanded, pay or papers held back, unsafe work and being frightened. Going along or staying careful can be the safe choice.
Basic respect and safety at work are never “expecting too much”, for you and for them.
Think of a lunch next month with the hope sitting easier: who is at the table?Talk about this ›
A truer sentence
A line for the new desk #
Next to “My company should keep a good team together”, some people keep: “I wanted us to stay together, and what we built still lives in us.” The first line stays fair. The second keeps hold of what was good.
It can feel a bit soft at first. Some people change it to something plainer, like “Good people are still good people, wherever they sit.” Any version that fits is the right one.
What would your own truer line be, one that honours the old team and leaves room for the new one?Talk about this ›
What to let be
The old corner can stay a good memory #
Not every reshuffle needs to be argued with. Some of it can be felt, thought of fondly, and left as a good chapter, like a photo kept in a drawer.
The wish to stay together can stay. Threats, harassment, humiliation, being singled out for who you are, unpaid work, pay or papers held back, unsafe work or fear are different, and worth taking seriously; staying careful can be the safe choice.
Letting it be a good memory does not mean the change was right. It means the new days get a fair start.
What would you like to give them?Talk about this ›
If it loosened
If the change sat a little lighter #
Imagine the same day with the hope turned down a notch. You pack your desk, and you keep the old team chat open for lunch plans, and you say a real hello to the person at the next desk.
For some it is a lunch with an old friend that feels like a treat, not a loss. For someone else it is the first real laugh with the new team.
Nobody else needs to know any of this. Up next: making peace with this hope, and noticing what is already there.
What feels different?Talk about this ›
What would tell you something had shifted?Talk about this ›
Small things to try
Something to try
A few small things people try #
- Notice one thing the old team taught you that you still use
- Think of one person from the old team, and why knowing them was good
- Notice when the voice compares a new colleague with an old one
- Picture the new team six months on, with a joke of its own
- Name, silently, one small good thing about the new corner
Only for you, and only if useful. One is plenty.
Pick a question
Talk it through #
Tap one. A chat with Dr. Thoughts opens on that question: free, private, no sign-up to start.