Underneath
What's going on underneath #
Three things that tend to sit under the words.
It cuts deeper because being on a team is part of who people are at work.
For some people it starts with brothers, sisters or cousins, and a sharp eye for who got the bigger piece.
Underneath, a rule can sit: “Everyone should get the same,” or “A good company has no favourites.”
Reactions
What people often do #
- Make jokes with teammates about being the forgotten team
- Keep a mental list of what the other team gets
- Work harder to prove the team deserves more
- Skip the next company event, and notice how it sits
- Look after your own team in small ways, since nobody else will
The deck
The story in 6 cards #
Six short cards, from the moment to letting go.
A dinner for sales, nothing for you
The sales team in Singapore gets a new office, a team dinner and a mention in the CEO's email. Your support team, which kept every customer happy through the busy season, gets a short 'thanks to everyone else'. You read the email at your desk, between two calls. You close it and pick up the next call, but your voice is a little flatter than before.
Every team should be treated the same
Underneath sits a rule: 'My company should treat every team the same.' It sounds like simple fairness. Everyone contributes. But look at what it does: it sets up a comparison in your head that never ends well. Your sense of being valued now depends on how other teams are treated, and the company may be making choices for reasons it never explains.
Why fairness between teams matters
We hold it because fairness between groups feels like respect. Maybe you grew up where a brother or sister seemed to get more attention, and you learned to watch closely. Maybe you believe every role matters, and it stings when some are celebrated more. Either way, wanting every team valued alike isn't jealousy. It comes from wanting to be valued. That deserves kindness, not blame.
Watching what other teams get
Every uneven reward adds to a quiet resentment. You start watching what other teams get. You feel less proud of your own work. You grumble at lunch, then feel tired from grumbling. Slowly your team starts to feel second-class, and the good work you all do together starts to feel invisible, even to you, though it hasn't changed at all.
Is keeping the comparison worth it?
Ask yourself honestly: has comparing your team with others ever made yours feel more valued? Or has it mostly made it feel smaller? Companies often celebrate what is easiest to count, like sales, and forget what keeps things running. Either way, their spotlight isn't the measure of your team's worth. Holding this rule so tightly costs you more than it gives you.
Knowing what your team does
Letting go doesn't mean you stop caring about fairness. It means your sense of your team's worth no longer depends on comparison. You know what your team does, and who it helps every day. You can be proud of that, with or without a dinner. That's where some peace comes back: your team's work stays good, wherever the spotlight falls.
When uneven handling follows who people are, or comes with threats, harassment or fear, it is not a matter of perception or a hope to loosen; it is worth taking seriously.
The flip
The old rule, and a new one to try #
The old ruleMy company should treat every team the same.
A new rule to tryI know what my team does. That doesn't need a spotlight.
Three small days
Try it for 3 days #
- Day 1
Think of one person your team helped this week
- Day 2
Say 'good job' to yourself at the end of a busy day
- Day 3
When you start comparing, think of one thing your team did well
Want to talk it through?
“When did your team feel really looked after, and what happened?”
Free and private. No sign-up to start. The chat opens with this question.
Everything this deck knows
Go deeper #
What it sounds like, where it comes from, what it costs, and other ways to see it. Every question opens a chat on it.
How it lands
What was said
Their offsite photos, your desk #
The photos fill the company chat: the other team at a resort, matching T-shirts, a long lunch by a pool. Your team is at its desks with a broken printer and a deadline. The thought comes as you scroll: “My company should treat every team the same.”
For some people it comes down to belonging to the whole place, not just one corner of it. When one team seems to be the favourite child, the others can start to feel like the ones handed the smaller plate.
Think of a time your team was treated really well by the company.
What happened, and how did it feel?Talk about this ›
The first few seconds
A quick tightness as you scroll #
Some people feel a tightness in the throat as the photos load. Others feel a quick laugh come out, a dry one, the kind that is not really about anything being funny.
The body can react before the mind works out why: a thumb that scrolls faster, a jaw that sets, a message typed to a teammate and then deleted. The longer thoughts usually wait until later.
The last time you saw another team getting something yours did not, what did you notice first in yourself?Talk about this ›
Why it lands
Fairness across the floor #
Wanting every team treated fairly makes sense. Teams in the same company work towards the same goals, so it can seem only right that they share the same care, the same tools and the same thanks.
It cuts deeper because being on a team is part of who people are at work. When your team is treated as second-class, it can feel personal, as if the people on it count for less, even when nobody has said a word.
What would being treated fairly look like for your team, in one small and specific way, on a normal week?Talk about this ›
The voice inside
The voice that compares floors #
“They always get everything.” “We do the real work.” “Nobody up there even knows our names.” It tends to pipe up when an announcement goes out, or when the other team’s photos appear.
Often the voice is guarding something real: the team, and the people in it. It can also grow bigger than the facts, and start to see a slight in every email.
When the voice compares your team with the other one, what is it most hoping somebody will finally see?Talk about this ›
Where it comes from
Where it can come from
Where the eye for fairness came from #
For some people it starts with brothers, sisters or cousins, and a sharp eye for who got the bigger piece. That eye for fairness can grow up into a strong sense of how a workplace should share things out.
For others it came from a school, a hostel or a sports club where one group always seemed to get the best of everything. Seeing it once, young, can make it easy to spot again later.
Who in your life was really fair with everyone, and what did they do that made you trust them?Talk about this ›
The belief under it
The rule about equal shares #
Underneath, a rule can sit: “Everyone should get the same,” or “A good company has no favourites.” It is a good rule. Companies, though, often spread things unevenly for reasons that are hard to see from one floor.
The rule can stay. Next to it can sit another truth: equal is not always fair, and fair is not always equal. A team with more customers, more travel or more risk may get different things, and that may or may not be right.
Where does your rule about equal shares fit this company, and where does it make every difference feel like a slight?Talk about this ›
What it costs
What it costs
What feeling second can take #
It can mean a sour feeling at every company announcement, a habit of comparing, or a slow pulling back from the wider company. Over a year, that can sit heavy.
It can also change how the team sees itself. If being second becomes the story, it can be hard to notice the good things the team has, or the work it does well.
Looking back over the past few months, what has your team done well together that you would be glad to tell someone about?Talk about this ›
If it stays as it is
Years of watching the other team #
Here is a picture, not a prediction. Some years from now, the other team’s photos appear again, and this hope is loud. You sit at your desk, scrolling.
Maybe a sharp joke in the team chat, a slow start on the next task, a long list in your head of what they got and you did not.
This is a way of looking, not a forecast, and it can be closed whenever you choose. What, if anything, catches your eye?
What is the rest of that afternoon like?Talk about this ›
What else is in that afternoon?Talk about this ›
Another way to see it
Another way to see it
Uneven is not always unfair #
A big company is not one parent sharing out sweets. Budgets and attention can follow sales, clients or a boss’s pet project. Some of that is fair and some of it is not, and it rarely has much to do with the people on each team.
That does not mean the gap is fine. It may mean the gap is about money and priorities more than about how much your team is worth.
If you looked at the difference as a decision made by a busy person upstairs, what would you notice about it?Talk about this ›
What is already there
What your team already has #
Alongside the offsite photos, there may be things your team already has: a teammate who makes everyone laugh, a way of working together that just works, a shared joke that gets everyone through Thursday.
The company’s choices may still not be fair, and the hope to be treated equally still holds. They are just there too. Seeing them does not mean giving up the wish.
What does your team already give you, on an ordinary day, that you would like to notice more often?Talk about this ›
Making peace
Proud of the team you have #
Being at peace with it is not deciding the gap is fair. It means the other team’s photos stop colouring your whole week. When uneven handling follows who people are, it is not a matter of perception or a hope to loosen; it is worth taking seriously.
Threats, harassment or humiliation from a boss, client or colleague, or being singled out for who you are (gender, caste, religion, colour, age, a disability or where you come from), are something else too, and worth taking seriously.
So are unpaid work demanded, pay or papers held back, unsafe work and being frightened. Going along or staying careful can be the safe choice.
Basic respect and safety at work are never “expecting too much”, for you and for them.
Take a Friday with this held more gently: what would your team do for lunch?Talk about this ›
A truer sentence
A line for announcement days #
Alongside “My company should treat every team the same”, some people keep: “I wanted us treated fairly, and I like the team I am part of.” The first line stays fair. The second keeps what is good in view.
New lines can feel like a borrowed coat at first. Some people take it in a bit, change a word, make it fit. Others keep a short one of their own, like “We are a good team.”
What would your own truer sentence be, one that holds the wish for fairness and your pride in your team?Talk about this ›
What to let be
The photos can stay in the chat #
Not every offsite photo needs a reaction. It can be seen, felt for a moment, and scrolled past, like a shop window on the way to somewhere else.
The wish for fairness can stay. Threats, harassment, humiliation, being singled out for who you are, unpaid work, pay or papers held back, unsafe work or fear are something else, and worth taking seriously; staying careful can be the safe choice.
Scrolling past does not mean it is fair. It means this afternoon can stay about your own work and your own team.
What would you like to give it to?Talk about this ›
If it loosened
If the comparing softened a little #
Imagine the same afternoon with the wish held a little more gently. The photos appear. You see them, and then you start planning a small team lunch of your own, something your team would enjoy.
For some it is a laugh with teammates that is warm, not sour. For others it is a focused afternoon with the chat closed.
That small shift is yours to notice. Next, making peace with the hope, and then the good things already around you.
What feels different?Talk about this ›
What would your own first sign be?Talk about this ›
Small things to try
Something to try
A few small things people try #
- Notice one thing your team does better than anyone
- Think of a teammate who makes the week easier, and how
- Notice when the voice turns a difference into a slight
- Picture the company deciding budgets, and how little of it is about faces
- Name, silently, what you like about working with your team
Private and optional. Try one if it helps.
Pick a question
Talk it through #
Tap one. A chat with Dr. Thoughts opens on that question: free, private, no sign-up to start.
- When did your team feel really looked after, and what happened?
- What do you like most about the people on your team?
- Who is the fairest person you have ever worked for?
- If comparing with other teams eased a little, what would you notice first?
- What does your team already do well together that you're proud of?