Underneath
What's going on underneath #
Three things that tend to sit under the words.
When ordinary days of work, study and tiredness fill the years instead, it can feel like they're being wasted, and that is a heavy feeling to carry into each weekend.
For some of us it started with older relatives who said “enjoy it now, these are the best days.”
Beneath the thought there may be a rule: “If I'm young, I should be having the time of my life,” or “Ordinary is a waste of youth.”
Reactions
What people often do #
- Plan big trips to prove the years aren't being wasted
- Keep scrolling late, comparing year against year
- Post the good moments and keep the ordinary ones quiet
- Say yes to every plan, even when tired
- Feel guilty for enjoying a quiet night in
The deck
The story in 6 cards #
Six short cards, from the moment to letting go.
Pyjamas on a Saturday night
Saturday night in London. You sit on the sofa in pyjamas, scrolling through photos of people your age at festivals, on beaches, at rooftop parties. You had a quiet week: work, a supermarket trip, an early night. You put the phone down and stare at the ceiling, and a heavy thought creeps in: these are meant to be the best years.
Your twenties should be the best
Underneath sits a rule: 'My twenties should be the best years of my life.' It sounds exciting, even hopeful, like a door opening onto good things. But look at what it does: it quietly turns ordinary days into failures. Every quiet evening becomes proof of missing out on something, and life gets measured against a highlight reel that nobody actually lives day to day.
Why we were told these years shine
We hold it because films, songs and older people have told us these years are special. Maybe someone said 'enjoy it, it's the best time of your life'. Maybe your feed is full of people who seem to be living that way. Either way, hoping for good years isn't silly. It comes from wanting your life to feel full. That deserves kindness, not blame.
The pressure of ordinary weeks
Each ordinary week adds a little pressure. You compare your weekends to other people's photos. You feel guilty for staying in on a Friday. You say yes to plans you don't want, just to feel properly alive. The quiet days you might enjoy start to feel like wasted time, and you end up tired from chasing a picture of how life should look.
Is the highlight reel worth it?
Ask yourself honestly: has holding on to this rule ever made your twenties feel better? Or has it mostly made ordinary days feel like failures? Photos show the best few minutes of someone's week, not the rest of it. Either way, a quiet Saturday isn't the measure of your life. Is holding this rule so tightly worth what it costs you?
Ordinary days that are yours
Letting go doesn't mean you stop wanting good times. It means your twenties no longer have to look like a highlight reel to count. A quiet night can be a good night. An ordinary week can hold plenty of small joys. That's where some peace comes back: you get to live these years as they are, without grading them against anyone.
If someone keeps you from friends, controls where you go, or frightens you, that is something else; that is worth taking seriously, and being careful there can be the safe choice.
The flip
The old rule, and a new one to try #
The old ruleMy twenties should be the best years.
A new rule to tryThese years can be mine, ordinary days and all.
Three small days
Try it for 3 days #
- Day 1
Enjoy one quiet evening without checking your phone
- Day 2
Notice one small good thing from this week
- Day 3
When you start comparing, put the phone down
Want to talk it through?
“What has been the best ordinary moment of your year so far?”
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Everything this deck knows
Go deeper #
What it sounds like, where it comes from, what it costs, and other ways to see it. Every question opens a chat on it.
How it lands
What was said
Friday night, and a screen full of other people's fun #
It has been a long week. Friday night, noodles, the sofa, a friend on a call chatting about nothing much. Between sentences the phone shows a friend on a mountain, a cousin at a concert abroad, a school group on a rooftop. The thought: “My twenties should be the best years of my life.”
It can come with a new job that is mostly emails, or study that fills every week. If the days have felt heavy for a long time, not just less shiny than the feed, that is bigger than this deck; go gently, and someone you trust can hear it.
What is one ordinary moment from this year that you genuinely enjoyed, however small it was?Talk about this ›
The first few seconds
A quick sinking while scrolling #
Some people feel a small sinking in the chest with each bright photo, like a step missed again and again. Others feel restless, as if they should get up and do something big, right now.
The thumb often keeps scrolling anyway. The body can be tired and comfortable on the sofa while the mind is somewhere on a mountain, comparing.
When you scroll through other people's big moments, what happens in your body in the first minute?Talk about this ›
Why it lands
These years are said to be special #
This hope is everywhere. Songs, films, relatives and posts all say the twenties are the time for freedom, adventure and fun. Wanting them to be good is wanting to live up to the story everyone tells.
When ordinary days of work, study and tiredness fill the years instead, it can feel like they're being wasted, and that is a heavy feeling to carry into each weekend.
What would make this year feel good to you, in your own terms rather than the story everyone else tells?Talk about this ›
The voice inside
The voice on the sofa #
“Everyone else is living.” “I'm wasting these years.” “I should be doing more.” The voice often speaks on Friday nights and Sunday evenings, when the phone is full of other people's weekends.
Often, it turns out, the voice measures an ordinary week against everyone's best moments combined. No week could pass that test.
When the best-years voice speaks, what does it want you to be doing instead, and what do you actually want instead?Talk about this ›
Where it comes from
Where it can come from
Where the best-years story came from #
For some of us it started with older relatives who said “enjoy it now, these are the best days.” For others the source was films where the twenties are one long road trip, full of friends and sunsets.
Social media adds the most. It shows the best minutes of many people's years, all at once, every day. A single life with its ordinary weeks has to compete with a thousand highlight reels.
Who first told you these would be the best years, and what did their own twenties look like?Talk about this ›
The belief under it
The rule about these years #
Beneath the thought there may be a rule: “If I'm young, I should be having the time of my life,” or “Ordinary is a waste of youth.” It is a hopeful rule. It also turns quiet evenings and normal weeks into failures.
Some people trace this rule to relatives; some to their own feeds. Either way, it is a rule, not a fact, and it can be looked at slowly, on a quiet evening.
Where does the best-years rule push you toward things you enjoy, and where does it make ordinary days feel like they don't count?Talk about this ›
What it costs
What it costs
What the best-years story can cost #
Quiet nights that would have been restful become restless. Small joys get missed because they aren't big enough. Plans get made to prove something, not because they sound fun.
Some people find the comparison takes a lot of their evenings, and leaves them feeling behind in a race nobody else knew they were running.
What small joy of yours has started to feel too ordinary, and what was good about it before?Talk about this ›
If it stays as it is
Other people's mountains, from the sofa #
Think of an ordinary Friday night when “my twenties should be the best years” is loud. The sofa, the takeaway, a friend on speaker, and the phone full of other people's weekends. No need to change anything in it.
Perhaps it is scrolling others' adventures for an hour, then feeling the evening shrink, then planning something big for next month to make up for it.
A single evening, nothing foretold, and you can step out of it at any time.
What else is happening in that Friday?Talk about this ›
What stands out?Talk about this ›
Another way to see it
Another way to see it
Feeds show the best minute, not the whole year #
A photo on a mountain is one minute of someone's year. It doesn't show the long bus ride, the argument before, the tired Monday after. Plenty of people's twenties are full of ordinary weeks, whatever their feeds say.
That doesn't make your wish for a full life wrong, and it doesn't make the comparison hurt less. It only means you may be measuring a whole life against other people's best minutes.
If your own year were shown only by its best minutes, what would be in the highlight reel?Talk about this ›
What is already there
What these years already hold #
There may be more than the feed suggests: a friend who makes you laugh until it hurts, a meal you cooked well, a skill getting better each month, a song you discovered, a quiet Friday that was exactly right.
These don't match the mountain photos. They don't need to. They are part of these years too, the part that rarely gets posted.
What ordinary good thing from these years would you like to notice and enjoy a little more?Talk about this ›
Making peace
Good years that are allowed to be ordinary #
Peace here doesn't mean giving up on adventure. Wanting these years to be full is fair. It means other people's highlights stop deciding whether your ordinary weeks count.
Asking for respect and safety is never asking “too much”, for you or for your friends. If someone keeps you from friends, controls where you go, or frightens you, that is something else; that is worth taking seriously, and being careful there can be the safe choice.
If the days have felt heavy for a long time, not just less shiny than the feed, that matters more than any comparison, and someone you trust can hear it.
Picture next Friday night with this hope held lightly: you scroll once, put the phone down, and what do you enjoy about the evening you actually have?Talk about this ›
A truer sentence
A line for Friday night #
Beside “My twenties should be the best years of my life”, some people add a line of their own, such as: “These years can be good in ordinary ways, and they don't have to look like anyone's feed.” The old line can stay; this one just stands nearby.
It might feel too sensible on a flat Friday evening. Some people prefer a line of their own, closer to how they talk.
If you wrote a truer sentence yourself, what would it be, one that keeps your hopes for these years and lets ordinary days count?Talk about this ›
What to let be
The feed can stay on the phone #
Not every bright photo needs to be measured against tonight. It can be acknowledged and left, like a postcard from someone else's trip, pinned up and not taken personally.
The hope for good years can stay yours. Someone who keeps you from friends or frightens you is a different matter, and worth taking seriously.
Putting the phone down tonight doesn't mean all is well, or that the comparison is settled. It only means the evening can be yours.
If it loosened
If the feed lost some of its pull #
As a picture and nothing more, imagine the same Friday with the hope a little softer. You scroll once, then put the phone down and enjoy the sofa, the food and the film.
Perhaps something small: tasting the noodles, a laugh at the film, a message to a friend about something real, a Saturday morning that starts rested.
The picture is just for you, and asks nothing of anyone. Still to come: a closer look at peace with this hope, and at what you already have.
What would you notice changing first?Talk about this ›
Which small change would you notice?Talk about this ›
Small things to try
Something to try
Small things to try, on your own #
- Scroll once, then put the phone in another room for the evening
- Notice one ordinary moment this week that was genuinely good
- When comparison stings, give the feeling a one-word name
- Plan one small thing you would enjoy, not one that would look good
- Think of what your own highlight reel from this year would show
Try one, or none. Use them or don't; both are fine.
Pick a question
Talk it through #
Tap one. A chat with Dr. Thoughts opens on that question: free, private, no sign-up to start.