Underneath
What's going on underneath #
Three things that tend to sit under the words.
A meeting is also one of the few places where a team is really together, so a lot is hoped of it: clarity, direction, a sense of being part of one thing.
For some people it began with a manager who kept every meeting short, with a clear aim and a quick list of who would do what.
Underneath, a rule can sit: “If people are gathered, something should come of it,” or “Time is the one thing nobody gets back.”
Reactions
What people often do #
- Bring other work to the call, in case it drifts
- Prepare carefully, then see the agenda dropped
- Stay quiet, thinking that nothing said will change much
- Count the minutes left on the clock
- Do the real work in the evening, after the calls
The deck
The story in 6 cards #
Six short cards, from the moment to letting go.
An hour of slides on Thursday
Thursday in Bengaluru, the weekly all-hands. An hour of slides you could have read in five minutes, three people talking, forty people on mute. Your real work waits in another window. You stare at the clock in the corner of the screen, watching the minutes crawl, and feel the afternoon you had planned slowly drain away, one slide at a time.
Meetings should be worth the time
Underneath sits a rule: 'My workplace should make meetings worth the time.' It sounds completely sensible. Time is precious, and nobody likes wasting it. But look at what it does: it makes your mood depend on how other people run a room. Whether your day feels useful now depends on meetings you didn't plan, can't shorten and often can't skip.
Why wasted time stings
We hold it because our time feels like ours, and wasting it feels wrong. Maybe you were raised to value every hour, and idle time makes you restless. Maybe you love getting real things done, and long meetings get in the way of that. Either way, wanting meetings to matter isn't impatience. It comes from caring about good work. That deserves kindness, not blame.
An hour that costs much more
Every pointless meeting costs more than the hour. You sit there quietly fuming. You lose the thread of the work you were in the middle of. You stay late to catch up, then feel tired and short-tempered at home. Slowly the calendar starts to feel like an enemy, and you begin the week already annoyed by the meetings you can see coming.
Is the irritation worth it?
Ask yourself honestly: has fuming through the meeting ever made it shorter? Or has it mostly made the hour feel longer? Meetings may run on habit, or on reasons nobody explains, and the people running them may wish they were shorter too. Either way, a dull meeting isn't the measure of your day. Holding this rule so tightly costs you more than it gives you.
A dull meeting, a good day
Letting go doesn't mean you stop valuing your time. It means your mood no longer depends on how a meeting is run. You can use a dull hour to rest your mind, sip your tea, or think quietly about something good. That's where some peace comes back: the meeting stays dull, but your day doesn't have to go down with it.
Threats, shouting, harassment, humiliation, being singled out for who you are, pay or papers held back, or being frightened at work, are something else, and worth taking seriously; staying careful can be the safe choice.
The flip
The old rule, and a new one to try #
The old ruleMeetings at work should be worth the time.
A new rule to tryA dull meeting doesn't have to spoil my day.
Three small days
Try it for 3 days #
- Day 1
In one dull meeting, relax your shoulders and breathe slowly
- Day 2
After a long meeting, take a two-minute walk
- Day 3
Plan one nice thing to do after the meeting
Want to talk it through?
“Which meeting do you remember as really well run, and what made it so?”
Free and private. No sign-up to start. The chat opens with this question.
Everything this deck knows
Go deeper #
What it sounds like, where it comes from, what it costs, and other ways to see it. Every question opens a chat on it.
How it lands
What was said
The weekly status call at half past ten #
The calendar chimes and a sixty-minute slot opens on the screen, with fourteen small faces in boxes. Before anyone speaks, a thought is already there: “My workplace should make meetings worth the time.”
For some people the wish is for the hours of a week to be spent on something: a decision, a plan, a clear next step. It can sound practical, and it can still sit heavily over a Monday.
When did a meeting last leave you feeling it had been well spent, and what was it that made it so?Talk about this ›
The first few seconds
The sigh before joining #
Some people notice a sigh as the join button is clicked, or a stretch of the neck as the invitation arrives. Others feel a flat heaviness settle behind the eyes before the first slide.
The body can speak before any opinion forms: a glance at the to-do list, a hand drifting to the pen, a slow blink. The more measured thoughts about whether the hour was useful tend to come when the screen goes dark.
The last time a calendar reminder popped up for a meeting like this, what did your body do before you joined?Talk about this ›
Why it lands
Time is worth guarding #
It is understandable to hope that hours spent together achieve something. A working week is only so long, and a meeting multiplies the cost of its hour by every person sitting in it.
A meeting is also one of the few places where a team is really together, so a lot is hoped of it: clarity, direction, a sense of being part of one thing. When it falls short, the gap between hope and hour can be wide.
What would a meeting have to do for you to leave it glad that you went, and what would it leave you with?Talk about this ›
The voice inside
The voice that watches the clock #
“This could have been an email.” “We have been here before.” “Who else is wondering why we are on this call?” The voice tends to speak around the thirty-minute mark, when a topic is raised for the third time.
Some people notice the voice is partly about the meeting and partly about wanting the hour back, or wanting some proof that the hour counted for something.
When the voice watches the clock, which complaint does it make first, and what does it long for instead?Talk about this ›
Where it comes from
Where it can come from
Where the wish for useful meetings comes from #
For some people it began with a manager who kept every meeting short, with a clear aim and a quick list of who would do what. One tidy example like that can set the picture for years.
For others it comes from home: a family conversation that got to the point, or a parent who disliked long talk and valued action. In some households, wasting time was gently frowned on.
Who first showed you what a short, useful meeting looks like, and what did they do that worked?Talk about this ›
The belief under it
The rule about hours well spent #
Underneath, a rule can sit: “If people are gathered, something should come of it,” or “Time is the one thing nobody gets back.” The first sentence is the one people hear; the rule beneath decides how each invitation gets read.
Rules like this come from valuing focus and respect for others' time, both good things to value. They can be looked at beside this workplace as it is, with its habits, its different time zones and the fact that some meetings exist mostly to keep people connected.
It may trace to earlier years or to this place.
Where does the rule about useful meetings still fit, and where is the point of a meeting simply being together?Talk about this ›
What it costs
What it costs
What a crowded calendar can cost #
It can mean the real work pushed to the end of the day, a lunch eaten between calls, a sense of busy and not much done. Hardly any of it shows, but it follows a person home.
The days can start to feel like a series of interruptions. The satisfaction of focusing on one task gets crowded by the next invitation, which takes up a lot of room in a day.
Over the last few weeks, which stretch of the day felt properly your own for working, and what made it so?Talk about this ›
If it stays as it is
Another five years of the half-ten call #
Picture one ordinary Tuesday on a day when “my workplace should make meetings worth the time” is loud. What is in it: a long call, a screen of small faces, a pen turning in the fingers, a to-do list waiting off to the side? It is only a picture to look at.
Perhaps the call ends five minutes early, a colleague sends a friendly message, the real work gets done after lunch, and the evening starts on time.
Nothing here needs an answer, and the picture can be set aside whenever you like. What, if anything, do you notice about it?
What else is in that Tuesday?Talk about this ›
Another way to see it
Another way to see it
Worth it for whom? #
“Worth the time” can mean a decision made, a person heard, a plan agreed or the simple fact of a team seeing each other. Each is a different, smaller hope, and some of them are easier to find in a meeting than the whole.
Meetings are a shared object, built by the people in them, and what feels like waste to one can be useful to another. That does not remove the tiredness, and it does not mean the wish is unreasonable.
If one meeting a week had to be worth it, which would you pick, and what would it need most?Talk about this ›
What is already there
What the meetings already give #
Alongside the meetings that dragged, there may be moments that did not: a joke that made the whole call laugh, a colleague who said something kind, a decision that finally got made in the last five minutes.
Seeing one of these leaves the wish for better hours exactly where it was. Seeing what is there is not the same as saying the hope was wrong.
Even a passing example counts.
What has a meeting already given you that you would like to notice more?Talk about this ›
Making peace
The calendar, held a little lighter #
Peace here can mean the calendar stops steering the mood of the day. Hours that leave you worn out for weeks, short of sleep or unwell are a different matter from this hope; someone you trust can hear it.
A boss, client or colleague who threatens, harasses or humiliates you, or singles you out for who you are (gender, caste, religion, colour, age, a disability or where you come from), is outside this hope, and worth taking seriously.
Add to that unpaid work demanded, pay or papers held back, unsafe work and being frightened; going along or staying careful can be the safe choice.
Basic respect and safety at work are never “expecting too much”, for you and for them. Picture an ordinary Monday with this hope held more loosely.
What would you notice about the call, and what would you do with the minute after it ends?Talk about this ›
A truer sentence
A truer line for the calendar days #
Beside “My workplace should make meetings worth the time”, some people keep a line like this ready: “I hoped this hour would count, and I can still make something of the rest of the day.” It does not need to win, only stand beside the old line.
A line like that can feel borrowed at first and settle in with use. Others find a plainer wording of their own fits better, and that is fine too.
What would a truer sentence be in your own words, honest about the hope without making the calendar responsible for the whole day?Talk about this ›
What to let be
The call can end where it ends #
Not every long meeting needs a ruling before supper. It can be noticed, felt, and left like a mug put down on a shelf, rinsed and done with.
The wish for hours well spent can stay private for as long as you like. Threats, harassment, humiliation, being singled out for who you are, unpaid work, pay or papers held back, unsafe work or feeling frightened are something else, and worth taking seriously; staying careful can be the safe choice.
Leaving it for tonight does not mean it was fine, or that it is decided. It only means this evening does not need a ruling.
If it loosened
And if the grip eased, even a notch #
Suppose, just in imagination, the expectation a notch quieter. The wish for useful meetings is still there, and the call is attended with a quiet hope of one clear decision before it ends. What is the first thing that feels different?
It might be a call left behind at the click of a button, or a coffee made without a sigh. What would your first small thing be?
Nothing here needs saying to anyone. Whatever comes up is yours to notice. Next, a look at what making peace with this hope could mean, and what is already there.
Small things to try
Something to try
A few small things people try #
- Notice one thing that was useful in the last meeting, however small
- Picture the one decision you would most like from the next call
- Notice which is louder, the topic or the clock
- Think of a colleague whose contributions you value in meetings
- Picture the hour right after the call, and what it holds
Small, private and optional. Try whichever feels doable.
Pick a question
Talk it through #
Tap one. A chat with Dr. Thoughts opens on that question: free, private, no sign-up to start.
- Which meeting do you remember as really well run, and what made it so?
- When in your working week do you feel most absorbed, and what are you doing?
- Who first showed you how to run a short, useful meeting?
- If the wish for meetings to be worth the time eased a little, what would you notice first?
- What has a meeting at work already given you that you would like to notice more?