Andar
Andar kya chal raha hai #
Teen baatein jo aksar in shabdon ke neeche hoti hain.
Pehle kaha gaya sorry bata sakta hai ki “Aap sahi hone se zyada maayne rakhte ho”.
Kuch ke liye ye us ghar se aayi jahan takraarein chhoti aur chhoti hi rehti thin, aur koi na koi pehla ishaara kar deta tha: table par sarkayi gayi chai ki pyali, khaane par koi mazaak, ya seedha-sa “Maaf karo, thakaan thi.”
Andar ek niyam baitha ho sakta hai: “Care hoti to kabhi-kabhi pehle maafi maangte,” ya “Jo pehle sorry bole, wo jhuk gaya.”
Reactions
Log aksar kya karte hain #
- Phir se pehle sorry bolna, taaki din wapas mile
- Rukna, is ummeed mein ki doosra pehle badhe
- Aam tarah se pesh aana aur ummeed karna ki baat dhundhli pad jaaye
- Sorry kehna, phir kehne par kadwahat rakhna
- Chupchaap ginti rakhna ki aakhri baar haath kisne badhaya
Deck
6 cards mein poori kahani #
Chhe chhote cards, us pal se chhod dene tak.
Behes ke baad khamosh nashta
Ranchi mein Sunday ki subah, us betuki behes ke agle din ki landlord ko phone karne ki baari kiski thi. Flat mein khamoshi hai. Aapke partner nashta bana rahe hain, kuch kahe bina. Aap pichhli kuch behesein yaad karte ho aur samajhte ho ki har baar pehle haath aapne badhaya. Chai ka cup haath mein liye aap intezaar kar rahe ho, aur chuppi lambi aur bhaari lagti hai.
Inhein kabhi pehle sorry kehna chahiye
Neeche ek niyam baitha hai: ‘Mere partner ko kabhi-kabhi pehle sorry kehna chahiye.’ Sunne mein vaajib lagta hai. Sulah dono or chalni chahiye. Par ye karta kya hai: har behes ko intezaar ka khel bana deta hai. Chuppi khinchti hai, din bhaari hota hai, aur aap chupchaap har us baar ka hisaab rakhne lagte ho jab aap haath badhane wale the.
Sulah kyun dikhati hai ki care hai
Hum ise isliye pakadte hain kyunki sulah is baat ka saboot lagti hai ki hum dono ko care hai. Shayad aapka bachpan aise ghar mein beeta jahan log aasaani se sorry bolte the. Shayad aapne itni baar pehal ki hai ki poora kaam apna lagne laga. Dono haal mein, chahna ki wo bhi kabhi haath badhayein, ghamand nahi hai. Ye santulan ki chaah hai. Ye hamdardi ki haqdaar hai, ilzaam ki nahi.
Pehle jhukne ka hisaab
Har wo behes jisme aap pehle jhukte ho, is chup hisaab mein judti hai. Aap zyada der intezaar karne lagte ho, parakhte hue ki wo kabhi pehle aayenge ya nahi. Chuppiyan minuton se dinon tak khinchti hain. Aap behes ko mann mein dohrate ho, jodte hue ki kiski galti zyada thi. Chhote jhagde suljhne mein bahut zyada waqt lene lagte hain, aur hisaab har baar aur bhaari ho jaata hai.
Kya hisaab rakhna sahi hai?
Khud se imaandaari se poochiye: kya unke pehle aane ka intezaar karne se chuppiyan kabhi chhoti huin? Ya zyada-tar aur lambi huin? Kuch logon ko sulah shuru karna bahut mushkil lagta hai, aur wo ise doosre dhang se dikhate hain, jaise nashta banakar. Pakka koi nahi keh sakta. Har haal mein, pehle kaun bolta hai, ye care ka paimana nahi. Kya is niyam ko itna kaskar pakadna sahi hai?
Care pehle bolne se nahi maapi jaati
Chhodne ka matlab ye nahi ki har baar pehal aapko hi karni hai, ya ki ye maayne nahi rakhta. Matlab ye hai ki jab tak koi jeet na jaaye, chuppi chalna zaroori nahi. Aap sulah ke doosre ishaare dekh sakte ho, ya jab theek lage khud haath badha sakte ho. Yahin kuch chain lautta hai: behesein jaldi khatam hoti hain, aur aapki Sunday ki subahein phir aapki ho jaati hain.
Being put down, checked on, threatened, hurt, pressured about sex or frightened of them, or always being blamed, is something else, and worth taking seriously; staying careful can be the safe choice.
Palat
Purana rule, aur try karne ke liye ek naya #
Purana ruleInhein kabhi-kabhi pehle sorry kehna chahiye.
Try karne ke liye naya rulePehle kaun bolta hai, ye care ka paimana nahi.
Teen chhote din
3 din try kijiye #
- Din 1
Behes ke baad sulah ka koi bhi chhota ishaara dekhein
- Din 2
Jab chuppi bhaari lage, ek dheemi saans lein
- Din 3
Asehmati ke baad apne liye ek achha kaam karein
Is par baat karni hai?
“Wo kaun sa mauka tha jab kisi ne aapse aise sulah ki ki aaj bhi garmahat se yaad hai?”
Free aur private. Shuru karne ke liye sign-up nahi. Chat isi sawaal se khulti hai.
Yeh deck jo kuch jaanta hai
Aur gehraai mein #
Yeh kaisa sunai deta hai, kahan se aata hai, iski kya keemat hai, aur ise dekhne ke doosre tareeke. Har sawaal par chat khulti hai.
Yeh kaisa lagta hai
Kya kaha gaya
Chhoti takraar ke baad ki subah #
“Mere partner ko kabhi-kabhi pehle sorry kehna chahiye.” Ye aksar kisi chhoti behes ki agli subah aati hai, bartanon ya plan ko lekar hui baat ke baad, Kanpur ke kisi flat ki kitchen mein, jahan do log ek-doosre ke aas-paas thode akde hue ghoom rahe hain, har koi chahta hai ki pehle doosra bole.
Ye kisi badi maafi ki baat kam hi hoti hai. Ye sulah ki baari-baari ki baat hai: pehla “Maaf karna, baat bigad gayi thi”, pehli pesh ki gayi chai, pehla mazaak jo baraf tod de. Har baar haath badhane wala banna ek-tarfa lagne lagta hai.
Jab kisi chhoti asehmati ka ant achhe se hua, to use pehli baar kisne aur kis baat ne moda?Is par baat kijiye ›
Pehle kuch pal
Akad aur jaldi khatam karne ki chaah ki kheench #
Kuch logon ko takraar ke baad do taraf khinchaav mehsoos hota hai: bura ehsaas khatam ho, aur ye na ho ki har baar wahi khatam kare. Kuch ko apna sorry gale tak aata lagta hai, isse pehle ki unhone tay kiya ho ki ve use maante bhi hain.
Ye ehsaas bahut jaldi aa jaate hain, kisne kya kaha iski kisi soch se bahut pehle. Aadhe raaste par milne ki chaah aur sulah ki chaah, ek khamosh subah ke pehle kuch minuton mein ek-doosre ko kheench sakti hain.
Pichhli chhoti takraar ke baad, pehle khamosh minuton mein aapko kya kheenchta mehsoos hua?Is par baat kijiye ›
Yeh kyun lagta hai
Sulah share ho to zyada insaaf wali lagti hai #
Ye chahna vaajib hai. Asehmati ke baad sulah karna ek tarah ka kaam hai: akad nigalna, shabd dhoondhna, thande jawab ka jokhim uthana. Jab har baar ye ek hi insaan kare, to ye kaam ek-tarfa lag sakta hai, har takraar chahe kitni bhi chhoti ho.
Maafi ka ek matlab bhi hota hai. Pehle kaha gaya sorry bata sakta hai ki “Aap sahi hone se zyada maayne rakhte ho”. Kabhi pehle na milna ulta sandesh de sakta hai, bhale saamne wale ko bas shabd dhoondhna mushkil lagta ho.
Takraar ke baad bina khud pehal kiye, pehle sorry sunna aapke liye kya maayne rakhta hai?Is par baat kijiye ›
Andar ki awaaz
Baariyan ginne wali awaaz #
“Har baar main hi kyun?” “Ek baar to ye shuru karein.” “Jo maine kiya hi nahi, uska sorry mujhse nahi bolega.” Ye awaaz takraar ke baad ki khamosh ghadi mein bolti hai, bathroom ke sink par, ya chup nashte mein.
Kuch log dekhte hain ki awaaz hisaab ke liye hisaab nahi rakh rahi. Wo aksar saboot maang rahi hai ki rishta dono ke liye barabar maayne rakhta hai, aur sulah sirf ek insaan ka kaam nahi.
Jab awaaz baariyan ginti hai, to use sabse zyada ummeed hai ki aapke partner ka pehla sorry kya dikhayega?Is par baat kijiye ›
Yeh kahan se aata hai
Yeh kahan se aa sakta hai
Sulah ki tasveer kahan se aayi #
Kuch ke liye ye us ghar se aayi jahan takraarein chhoti aur chhoti hi rehti thin, aur koi na koi pehla ishaara kar deta tha: table par sarkayi gayi chai ki pyali, khaane par koi mazaak, ya seedha-sa “Maaf karo, thakaan thi.” Aasaan marammat ki wo tasveer reh sakti hai.
Doosron ne aise ghar dekhe jahan har baar ek hi insaan jhukta tha, aur ummeed bani ki unke apne rishte mein sulah baanti jaayegi. Dono haal mein pehla sorry bahut maayne rakh sakta hai.
Aapki zindagi mein kaun chhoti asehmatiyon ke baad sulah karne mein achha raha, aur usne kaise kiya?Is par baat kijiye ›
Iske neeche ki maanyata
Pehle kaun, iska niyam #
Andar ek niyam baitha ho sakta hai: “Care hoti to kabhi-kabhi pehle maafi maangte,” ya “Jo pehle sorry bole, wo jhuk gaya.” Kahi hui chaah maafi ki hai; niyam tay karta hai ki har khamosh subah ka kya matlab nikala jaaye.
Isme sachchi samajh hai; sulah share ho to zyada nyaaypurn hai. Par niyam un kai tareekon ko chook sakta hai jinse log bina ye shabd kahe manate hain: chai, mazaak, kandhe par haath.
Pehal wala niyam kab baithta hai, aur kab zyada kasa lagta hai?Is par baat kijiye ›
Iski kya keemat hai
Iski kya keemat hai
Pehle sorry ke intezaar ki keemat #
Iska matlab ho sakta hai ki khamosh din takraar se zyada lambe khinchein, khaane akdi chuppi mein hon, aur plans chupchaap cancel hon kyunki hawa saaf nahi hai. Behes bartanon ki thi; keemat weekend tak pahunch jaati hai.
Saal bhar mein kuch log dekhte hain ki jo sorry wo bolte hain wo kasa hua, lagbhag bemann ka nikalta hai, aur sulah sulah jaisi lagti hi nahi. Doori dono taraf badh sakti hai.
Pichhle saal ka kaun sa plan hawa saaf hone tak tala, aur aapne usse kya ummeed ki thi?Is par baat kijiye ›
Agar yeh aisa hi rahe
Khamosh subahein, barson baad, aur baariyan ab bhi ginti #
Kisi aam Sunday ki subah sochiye, ek chhoti takraar ke baad, jab “Inhein pehle sorry kehna chahiye” hawa mein tanga hai. Ye bas ek tasveer hai, sudharne ko kuch nahi.
Shayad takraar ke baad ki khamosh subah, pehla vaakya ulatte-palatte; ek sair jo hawa saaf hone tak tali; ek film jo aap dono ko pasand hai, shaam tak bina dekhe.
Ye khaaka hai, bhavishyavani nahi, aur jab chahein sameta ja sakta hai.
Us subah mein kya hai: kitchen, chuppiyan, ruke plans, ratte hue shabd?Is par baat kijiye ›
Wo Sunday ghante dar ghante kaise khulta hai?Is par baat kijiye ›
Us Sunday ki subah ko palatkar dekhein to kaun sa ghanta ubharta hai, aur wahi kyun?Is par baat kijiye ›
Ise dekhne ka doosra tareeka
Ise dekhne ka doosra tareeka
Sorry, kis zubaan mein? #
Maafi ek hi shakl mein nahi aati. Kuch log shabd kehte hain; kuch nashta banate hain, jis baat par behes hui use theek karte hain, ya bas aakar paas baith jaate hain. Kuch dono mein se kuch bhi nahi kar paate, aur wo khaayi asli hai.
Isse chaah badi nahi ho jaati, aur ek-tarfa dharra theek bhi nahi ho jaata. Bas itna ki “Pehle sorry kaho” ke andar kai ummeedein ho sakti hain: shabd, ishaara, aadhe raaste par milna, ya bas ye ki har baar pehal aap hi na karein.
“Kabhi-kabhi pehle sorry kaho” ke andar jo kuch hai, usmein sabse zyada kya maayne rakhega: shabd, koi ishaara, ya bas baari-baari nibhana?Is par baat kijiye ›
Jo pehle se hai
Aapke paas jo pehle se hai #
Jo sorry pehle nahi aate, unke bagal mein kuch cheezein pehle se aapki hain: wo dost jo aasaani se manate hain, kya insaaf wala tha iska aapka apna ehsaas, aur wo cheezein jo phir se sambhalne mein kaam aati hain: sair, achha nashta, lamba phone.
Inhein dekhne se asantulan theek nahi ho jaata. Agar kuch yaad na aaye, to wo kisi baat ka faisla nahi hai. Takraar ke baad jo aapko phir pairon par khada kare, use achhi tarah jaanna keemti hai.
Chhoti takraar ke baad apne tareeke se sambhalne mein aapko kya madad karta hai, jise aap zyada dekhna chahoge?Is par baat kijiye ›
Sulah
Takraarein jo khatam hon, baariyan gine bina #
Is ummeed ko halka karne ka matlab ise bahut zyada ya sahi thahrana nahi. Buniyadi izzat aur suraksha kabhi “bahut zyada ummeed” nahi hoti, aapke liye bhi aur unke liye bhi. Kisi ko shaant rakhne ke liye, ya na kehne par kya hoga is darr se sorry kehna aam sulah nahi hai; wo kuch aur hai.
Aise hi aap par nazar rakha jaana, password maange jaana, aapka phone ya messages khangaala jaana, paison par kabza, aapke kaagzaat rakh liye jaana, doston-family-kaam-padhai se door rakha jaana, neecha dikhaya jaana, chillaya jaana, ya unke mood ka dosh aap par daala jaana.
Aise hi dhamkiyan (khud ko, aapko, kisi aur ko ya pet ko nuksaan ki, ya private photos failane ki), dhakka dena, pakadna, chot pahunchana, sex ya nazdeeki par dabaav, ya unse darr lagna. Ye sab gambhirta se lene layak hai, aur saath chalna ya satark rehna surakshit chunav ho sakta hai.
Saza ke taur par dinon tak ki chuppi, kisi bhi taraf se, ya aisi sulah jo tabhi hoti hai jab aap dosh apne sir le lo, wo bhi baariyon ki baat nahi hai. Sulah ka share hona chahna jaayaz hai, aur reh sakta hai.
Ek chhoti takraar ke baad ka ghanta sochiye, phir aasaan: aap kya kar rahe honge?Is par baat kijiye ›
Ek zyada sachcha vaakya
Khamosh subah ke liye ek pankti #
“Mere partner ko kabhi-kabhi pehle sorry kehna chahiye” se ulajhne ki jagah kuch log aisi pankti paas rakhte hain: “Mujhe sulah share chahiye, aur khamosh subah ka saare din chalna zaroori nahi.” Wo purane vaakya ke bagal mein baith sakti hai.
Shuru mein ye haar maanne jaisi lag sakti hai. Kuch ko lagta hai ki aisi pankti bure mood ko chhota kar deti hai; kuch ise tab tak dobara likhte hain jab tak ye insaaf wali na lage. Koi bhi sachcha roop chalega.
Aapke apne shabdon mein ek zyada sachcha vaakya kya hoga, jo share sulah ki chaah bhi rakhe aur din aapko wapas de de?Is par baat kijiye ›
Kya rehne dein
Kuch takraarein bas khatam ho sakti hain #
Har takraar par ye faisla zaroori nahi ki pehle kaun. Kuch ko darj karke rakh diya ja sakta hai, kitchen ke kone mein thandi hoti pyali ki tarah: wahin rakhi, baad mein phir nahi pi gayi.
Isme ye sab nahi aata: darr se sorry kehna, aap par nazar rakha jaana, password maange jaana, aapka phone ya messages khangaala jaana, paison par kabza, aapke kaagzaat rakh liye jaana, doston-family-kaam-padhai se door rakha jaana, neecha dikhaya jaana, chillaya jaana, ya unke mood ka dosh aap par daala jaana.
Aise hi dhamkiyan (khud ko, aapko, kisi aur ko ya pet ko nuksaan ki, ya private photos failane ki), dhakka dena, pakadna, chot pahunchana, sex ya nazdeeki par dabaav, ya unse darr lagna. Ise gambhirta se lena chahiye, aur satark rehna surakshit chunav ho sakta hai.
Baariyon ke sawaal ko aaram dene se wo theek nahi ho jaata, aur kuch tay bhi nahi hota. Bas itna ki baaki din ko kisi ek shabd ka intezaar nahi karna padta.
Agar yeh dheela pade
Agar baariyan ginna ek darja shaant ho #
Bas ek pal ke liye sochiye ki ummeed thodi shaant ho gayi. Share sulah ki chaah ab bhi hai, aur subah ko uska intezaar karna zaroori nahi.
Log jo baatein batate hain unmein takraar ke baad aaram se nashta banana aur vaakya ko rukne dena, ya kisi aise dost ke saath lambi sair shaamil hai jo hansa deta hai.
Yahan kuch kisi se kehna zaroori nahi. Jo bhi ubhre, aapke dekhne ke liye hai. Aage: is ummeed se sulah ka matlab kya ho sakta hai, aur pehle se kya maujood hai.
Sabse pehle kya halka-sa alag lagta hai?Is par baat kijiye ›
Aapki pehli chhoti cheez kya hogi?Is par baat kijiye ›
Try karne ki chhoti cheezein
Try karne ke liye kuch
Kuch private baatein aazmane ki #
- Takraar ke baad dekhein ki aapko pehle kya chahiye: jagah, garmahat, ya insaaf
- Intezaar ke neeche ki chaah ka naam lein: aadhe raaste par milna, ya pehle rakha jaana
- Dekhein ki takraar ke baad apne tareeke se sambhalne mein kya madad karta hai
- Kisi khamosh subah dheere-dheere apne liye achha nashta banayein
- Kisi takraar ko sochein jo achhe se khatam hui, aur khatam karne mein kya kaam aaya
Sab private, sab optional. Jo ho sake, wahi chunein.
Ek sawaal chuniye
Baat kijiye #
Kisi ek par tap kijiye. Dr. Thoughts ke saath chat usi sawaal se khulegi: free, private, shuru karne ke liye sign-up nahi.
- Wo kaun sa mauka tha jab kisi ne aapse aise sulah ki ki aaj bhi garmahat se yaad hai?
- Chhoti takraar sabse jaldi khatam karne mein aapke liye kya kaam aata hai: shabd, jagah, ya ishaara?
- Sabse pehle aapko kisne sikhaya ki achhi maafi kaisi sunayi deti hai, aur unhone kya kaha tha?
- Sulah ki baariyan ginna thoda kam ho, to khamosh subahein kaisi lagengi?
- Chhoti takraar ke baad phir se sambhalne mein aapko kya madad karta hai?